How to Deal with Grief Over the Holidays
Written by Dr. Karla Aguilu
It is that time of the year again and even though for many people it is a time of joy and
excitement for many others is a time of grief, sadness, and worry. Do we need to put on a brave
face this year and not show how much we miss those who have passed? Or what about the
people that won’t have their loved ones to be around with them at this time of the year and this
would be their first holiday alone? If you identify with any of these the following tips might be of
help:
Recognize and label your feelings. It can be scary, but these feelings are not just going away. You are human and it is normal to struggle. Are you feeling scared, sad, angry? Is it maybe irritability you feel every time someone else talks about their loved ones?
Naming the feeling could help you make sense of it.
Give yourself grace. What does this mean? Treat yourself with the same compassion you would a best friend. Think about how you would comfort others or how you would like to be comforted and do this for yourself. Maybe it is a simple “it is ok to not feel good today” “it is ok to be slower today and take more time for myself”. Maybe you add less commitments to your calendar this season. Sometimes something simple can make a big difference.
Support system. Many times, we want to be alone, or we don’t want to “talk about it”. The good news is that to feel supported by friends and family you don’t have to talk about your loss or your feelings if you don’t want to. You can simply go to someone you know might make you laugh. Or go meet with someone you have a hobby in common and do that. Is ok to be alone sometimes, just not all the time.
Do something for yourself. Is there something you haven’t done in a while that used to make you feel good? Think about what is important to you. Maybe you haven’t listened to music or haven’t read a book in a while. Consider the benefits of engaging in this activity again even if for a few minutes at a time.
Try a new coping skill. Meditation and journaling can be very beneficial for someone’s wellbeing, especially when feeling overwhelmed or under a lot of stress. Consider downloading a meditation app or starting to write a few minutes a day in a journal or on your phone.
Remember and honor the ones we lost. Finding ways to remember and honor those important people in your life. This does not have to be in a big public way. It could be as simple as journaling about them, writing them a small note, listening to a song they used to like, looking at their photos, or something more public/family oriented like saving a plate setting during dinner for those who are no longer with us. No matter what you chose, know that it is for you and you don’t need to do this if you don’t feel ready. You can come back to this another time.
Read a book about grief and coping. I recommend “When life hits hard” by Russ Harris. It is a good book with practical skills based on Acceptance Commitment Theory (ACT).
Get more help. If you feel like you might need more support, you can choose to make an appointment with a mental health professional. You can contact us at 813-575-4238 or at Admin@psychgrouptb.com