Parent Edition: Teaching Emotion Regulation to your Kids
Introduction
Children aren’t born knowing how to manage their emotions. Emotion regulation is a skill that develops over time and through supportive relationships. Meltdowns, tears, frustration, and big reactions aren’t signs of “bad behavior”; they’re signs that a child’s nervous system is overwhelmed and still learning.
This newsletter explores how parents and caregivers can teach healthy emotion regulation by modeling skills, responding with empathy, and creating a safe space for emotional growth.
What is Emotion Regulation
And Why Kids Struggle With It.
Emotion regulation is the ability to recognize feelings, tolerate distress, and respond to emotions in helpful ways. For children, this skill develops gradually as the brain matures.
Key psychoeducation:
The part of the brain responsible for impulse control and emotional regulation (the prefrontal cortex) is still developing well into young adulthood.
Young children rely on adults to help them calm their bodies and name their feelings.
Big emotions often show up as behavior because children don’t yet have the words or tools to express what they’re feeling.
When kids “lose control,” they need support, not punishment, to learn regulation.
Start with Emotion Coaching
Emotion coaching is a research-supported parenting approach that teaches children how to understand and manage emotions.
Emotion coaching includes:
Notice the emotion: “I see you’re really frustrated.”
Name it: “That looks like anger.”
Validate it: “It makes sense to feel that way.”
Guide behavior: “It’s okay to feel mad; it’s not okay to hit. Let’s find another way.”
Validation doesn’t mean agreeing with behavior, it means acknowledging the feeling underneath it.
Teach Kids to Name Their Feelings
Children can’t regulate emotions they can’t identify.
Ways to build emotional language:
Use feeling words in daily conversations (“You look disappointed,” “That was exciting!”).
Read books and ask, “How do you think this character feels?”
Use emotion charts, emojis, or drawings to help kids identify feelings.
Naming emotions helps calm the nervous system and reduces emotional intensity.
Regulate the Body Before the Behavior
When emotions run high, logic doesn’t work. Regulation starts with the body.
Kid-friendly calming tools:
Deep belly breathing (blowing bubbles, pretending to blow out candles)
Counting slowly together
Squeezing a stress ball or stuffed animal
Taking a short walk or movement break
Sitting in a calm, quiet space with an adult
Once the body is calm, learning can happen.
Model the Skill You Want to See
Children learn emotion regulation by watching the adults around them.
Try modeling phrases like:
“I’m feeling overwhelmed, so I’m going to take a deep breath.”
“I need a minute to calm down before we talk.”
“I made a mistake and I’m going to fix it.”
Showing kids how you cope teaches them that emotions are manageable and safe.
Set Clear Limits with Empathy
Structure and consistency help kids feel safe.
Healthy limit-setting sounds like:
“I won’t let you hit, but I will help you calm down.”
“You’re allowed to feel angry. You’re not allowed to hurt.”
“We can talk about this once we’re both calmer.”
Empathy + boundaries = emotional safety.
Practice During Calm Moments
Emotion regulation skills stick best when practiced outside of emotional storms.
Try these:
Practicing breathing at bedtime
Role-playing challenging situations
Creating a “calm-down toolkit” together
Talking about what helps when feelings get big
Repetition builds confidence and mastery.
Be Patient With Your Child and Yourself
Emotion regulation is a long-term developmental process. Progress looks like shorter meltdowns, quicker recovery, and increased emotional awareness...not perfection.
Teaching emotion regulation is one of the greatest gifts you can give your child. By responding with empathy, modeling healthy coping, and guiding behavior with care, you help your child build lifelong emotional skills that support resilience, relationships, and wellbeing.
If parenting feels overwhelming, support can help. Therapy can offer tools for both children and caregivers to strengthen emotional regulation and family connection.